So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
