Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
