im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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