WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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