there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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