Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
