Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
