she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
