apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
