I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
