an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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