one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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