He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
