He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
