Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
