Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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