Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I believe in your delicious
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
