forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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