its not stalking. its research.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
