I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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