what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
