I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
