If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
