capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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