I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
