We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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