zippers are such a cool invention
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
do nipples grow back?
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