i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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