there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize