Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
