it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
