I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I supernannyed him into submission
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
