He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
