He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
