Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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