He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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