My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
