how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
