I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
