How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
