I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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