the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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