yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
