fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Even my vagina gasped.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
