do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
