My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
