Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
please come you make the beer taste better
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
