its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
