"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
