After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize