i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
