I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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