You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
