she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
