But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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