I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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