How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
