I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
