it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize