I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
