Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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