bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
