After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
