i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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