Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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