well you can't waste a boner
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
