i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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