Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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