Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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