I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
